Looking back at it… it was only a matter of time before it happened to me.

Probably one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen.  Tall, dark hair, handsome, standing on a hill in what looks like wine country (aka my happy place).  I mean, take me there now.  Usually I don’t swipe on guys so beautiful because I don’t like dating guys prettier than me.

think pretty

But I swiped anyway and to my surprise, we were a match!  I have to message first, so I’m sure I said something very charming (I just don’t remember what).  He responded, “I’m sorry, I’m just here for the bad thing.”  For those of you new to online dating apps, that means sex.  Side note: I do honestly believe you can find people for actual dating, but there is a population on these apps using them just to hook up.

Anyway, I responded, “Don’t call it bad!  Live yo life!”  Ok… Looking back at it, I can see how MAAAYYYBE that LOOKED like it opened the door, but I really was just trying to funny, and be the OPPOSITE of a slut-shamer.  As in, that’s not my style, but doesn’t mean it’s bad.. do you boo boo!  Well… he thought that opened the door.

I then went to bed.  After a couple hours of tossing and turning, I, like every other human, picked up my phone for nighttime social media scrolling to put me to sleep.  I see that I have 3 messages from this guy:

Him: “Unless you’re into it…”
Him: <sends unsolicited dick pic>
Him: “Would you like that?”

Me: One eye open looking at my too bright phone thinking I’ll find a Facebook quiz that tells me what kind of grilled cheese I am…… and instead find a baloney pony staring back at me.

I dropped my phone.  I’m done.

The next morning, he had unmatched himself.


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